A sad tale from Len Green

A contribution from Len Green.


Get a hobby she said, get from under my feet.

(Not quite what he said, that I cannot repeat)

Black books again, off to the shed.

Perhaps there, some ideas’ will come to my head.


I could buy a bike, too much physical strain,

And besides I might get caught in the rain.

What about bowls, too much running about,

Must give it more thought over a glass of stout.


That’s it – Woodturning – that’s the latest trend,

And with luck I’ll have something to show at the end,

So I took myself off to a woodturning show,

And watched a few demo’s as you do


Had a look round, had the odd chat,

Thought to my self – yes – I could do that

Picked up some leaflets, a video and a book,

Now I was really on the hook.


Back home again it was piggybank time,

(Robbed hers as well, not enough in mine)

I purchased a lathe, a gouge and a skew,

There’s lots more to buy but for now that will do.


Selected a log from the firewood heap,

(Well I had spent all my cash so it had to be cheap)

Six inches across and about twice as long

Well seasoned clean, sound and strong


Switched the thing on, the wood spun around.

Not so easy - “Woodturning” – I found.

The man, he had ribbons flying over his head,

Little shavings like bee’s wings on the floor of my shed.


The vase intended got smaller and smaller,

The heap on the floor got taller and taller.

Then a change of mind, (We turners think quick),

Why not make a candlestick.


Another quick change to a bobbin for lace,

Beginners mistakes so I felt no disgrace,

But this one was different – didn’t look right to me,

It looked more like something for stirring my tea.


Then her indoors shouted –“Time for lunch”

Hard work this Turning, I could do with a munch.

After lunch, with bits in my teeth firmly stuck,

Fudged around with my fingers and tongue, but no luck.


Then my wife disappeared, came back in a while,

With a look on her face, twixt a smirk and a smile.

He handed me something, try this darling she said,

It’s a toothpick I found in the shed.


So don’t get disheartened dear hopeful wood turner,

Perhaps you own – or know someone with a wood burner,

You will at lest have the most stylish firewood to date,

And who knows? Some time,

A handful of wood ash, could win first at the “TATE”


By Len Green


There is a tale we can all relate to, I suspect we have all been there.


Many thanks to Len for this contribution, please add your comments below, and please send me your contributions for the web site, the more the better




By Ron Davis on August 26th, 2011